systemic

wouldn't it be nice, if we had a trigger
a pulley
a lever
a uh
haha
button
that let us have "something come over me"
no more face to face
but it with the warning
a warning of ruin
god-forsaken
spitten upon
failure, misbred attempts
at a special fence
between real life and a chip and a plastic chip and fingertips
losing grip
a plastic chip
ha
why
giddily nullify
the reason why
the pry
between two layers
crow-bar says hello
give it a face
we're welcomed to say hello
and it never ends
we want it so
ill remain chaired
but theres so much more to know

as i get progressively drunker
i reject this machination
the paltry, twiddly dim dip
worthlessness
of electronic
embodiment
now a guitar smashes through the ashes
a brick wall fine to crumble
between sparse and inherent phobias
pains so painful
and laughter's much louder yeah
this is splitting
she wants to comfort
and day after next
she
wants to dive into else-forth
all the while
she never did a thing
the mushy mass mess of a pink
plain sprained brain contains
paranoia draining out the eyes
of a blank donkey
blind to follow
and once filled with virtue
but demonizes
the most innocent thing
born to be

"see, jake, the thing about poetry is the START connects to the END. YOUR poetry, however, starts somewhere and ends in Zimbabwe...you'll never convey the point..."
-thank you elliot, go suck a fuck

its way to late for some things
i dont know where i am, thats one thing
i lose some grip
on a
can't remember now
even as theres a bit
that hasnt yet slipped
my eyes even ask
if my eyes are open
and yeah
my mind finds a roaming
im insane
wheres the lane
im supposed to go
with this car
veering side to side
england or usa
tokyo
i dont know
just give me a home
i cant find it myself
just help
i cant find
i just
help

as my finger glides across my winter hat
THIS
the last, jutting, awkward piece of fingernail
POEM
plays like an instrument
FUCKING
makes a sound like a firework across the night sky
SUCKS
and as this finger
ROCK
glides as it does
HARD
i
for some reason
ERECT
feel like im special
COCK
for hearing it.
BALLS

Goodbye

Carry on
In your up-turned boat
With blue skies, supplies,
and an endless sea.
Many sailors will love you
along the way
for your nomadic
way
your golden hair,
mirroring the sun
Everyone
A'cross your path
Will love the peace
you spread, and have
Just be sure
to catch their jaws
as they drop,
inch by inch
And if you return
Just speak of you
take my hand
And be a friend

i

just

don't

know

what

to

think

any

more.

in heaven, everything is fine

wanna give up on you
wanna give up on me?
going back to the old ways
got some new ways of my own
without the crutch
i don't say much
even round your smile
i don't say much
lots to say
but i ain't got a way
wanna show me to the road
wanna hold my hand and
i can't find my own way
hate for you to slip like sand
hate it through my fingertips
tips once red
now cardboard bland
i've nothing to say
contradictions comin' this way
the way i am today
with it, seems okay
the way i am today
got nothin' to say

submitted in writing... (finally)

submitted in writing...
i suppose she's looking for reasons
much like i ask needless questions
but to me
all that is concealed in a statement
is revealed in a glance
or motion of the hand,
perhaps in an exchange of unheard things
why i exude a nervous chuckle
the chuckle kneels to a radiant face
warm soul, perpetual and perrenial boundaries
infinity, almost defined and within reach
as her chest erupts a non-descript series of gentle hums
my eyes acting as hands in the field of anonymous flowers
each of her lashes
slowly, closer
each of her lashes
close enough to taste, now
her lashes
each a petal for plucking
the sun becomes irrelevant
eyes that spill blood but soak warmth
still, questions
and when i do look into her gaze
my skin beckons
wishing to pinpoint any slice to any particular knife
the bleeding continues
nothing so full of life as the red that falls
once blue
she's died before but with blood she will ignite
a birth born from spasms intricately placed
completing something
i love to hug her
and fear that word
and i very much love to kiss
a hummed chuckle can say so much about this
but words can
at times, deconstruct the bliss
i wish to convey a sense with a lense
your eyes, placed rigidly at the scope
to observe curiously the words rounding each bend
eventually crumbling with infinity, closer to the end
may you with some glow poking through the clouds
wishing for you to say
with him, perhaps, i do like going to bed
some things are better left unsaid.

Revelation

I remember asking her
How someone could be so malicious
As to contribute one more tragedy that she didn’t deserve
One more nail in the coffin

Now I know
And while she finds freedom elsewhere
Reincarnated in the southern sun
I’ll be digging my own grave

on him, written 11/20/10

Sooner than an asteroid
May wipe us all clean
You throw a pensive struggle
With my left arm as glasses, I sit confused

Realize yourself
Facts may keep my eyes asleep
If your trying to mummify
Let my steps sleep better than the lids of each eye

Don’t think for a second
That your glance goes unnoticed
The direction blooms
Pedals plucked, then black as the lotus

Something crawling into the “me” that you knew
Your retreat, as obvious as little plastic eyes,
A white cardboard snowman
And some glue

He lingers
And although
On this pure hopscotch ground I wish for my shadow
His own arm casts that black outline upon your shoulders

Where do I go from here?
A southern state wishes to take you away
I’ll stay here, knelt
Something may come my way.

It sucks to forget
And even worse to forgive
After stones walked across
I simply can’t believe its come to this

Perhaps she’s more comfortable in a blanket of the past
As the past tapes on a delaying neglect that female’s wrap
Themselves within the chaos, neglect and abuse
It seems no use to be so nice
When her head in bed dreams of the chaos that he spread
Upon her blouse, her face, with knives and fists
No single trace of grace
She’s somehow crawling back for more
No scientific evidence to show
That I may never know my kindness
To provide this comfort that may blind
Her sense of inner-peace
When the only love she’s ever known is
Pieces of the hell that he has brought
Forever torturing the knots
Within her jaw from holes once drilled
And from the stirring stew
The pot of frustration
Chaos, deceit, invasion, manipulation
As sociopathic condensation
Of irrational ideas and dna-bending
Spilt across her innocent eyes
How could you spend your time shaking hands with these lies?
A mystery
Forever to myself
She can come or she can go
She tries to avoid the four seasons
As each emotion strangles her
And grows
But I will stay
Perhaps she’ll stay too
Unless she sees
My style as cartoon,
Simply a child-like representation
Of any seriousness that him,
The violent fuck may have once possessed
A stalker trying to convince you
Of his “yes”
And as evil as it sounds
I wouldn’t doubt for a second that his smile
And his memory would shake your face
Away from this stray betrayal
And perhaps
You may
Forgive
The senseless crime
That he committed
And then
Only then would I give up on you,
I wouldn’t be the only one miserable.

limp, hollow arms

limp, hollow arms

limp hollow arms she calls them

dangly, stringy, paths to an infested head

vying for potency

i've read those words

the ghost of these limp, hollow arms

clutches my chest

the shadow of that memory

battering my forehead with the agony

only misperception can carry

i'm still sinking,

but still ready to remind

perhaps the words

"i can see his

sturdy, full arms

beating you to the end of this flat world"

would impose less gravity on your tears

as they would drip in furor ,

stain my sheets with anguish

crawl back into the ducts

and drench on repeat

and i began to do,

i began to...

i...

i chose a lifeless something to murmur

i watched my hollow arms shrink

i photographed your spirit strangling itself

i absorbed your tears as they fell anyway

i heard you tell me you couldn't stay

i made the room darker than it was

i silently begged for you to sleep soundly

i cried in the wake of your absence

i felt you'd never return

i waited for your voice,

i waited for your voice.

you surprise me every day

we're all scared

wake up
we're going on bike rides
through the city if
your pedals are a struggle,
i'll be there with some dice
a kite flying up high
your image in the sky
a balloon for you and i
watch the air while whispering
the only thing
you haven't told any else before
i think its a bore
that you can do
what your grinning heart-mouth can barely even chew

we're all scared
we're all scared
we're all scared
we're all scared

nhwayhttakyamlty

Now lay down,

Look at the sun

See my eyes

Just havin’ some fun

Toil with the hair

Clothes everywhere

A warm grass blade

Just tickles and stares

One by one

The pieces dismiss

Us together

What a piece it is

Now stand back

Observe the bliss

You’ve left your body

But we’ll never leave this

But You burnt a bridge

And now it’s back

A life of its own

A road filled with cracks

Drenched in forgotten

Miles of colored dust

Swirls above our heads

And desert scenery must oh

Leave us peacefully

To our content

We’ll die here together

Sooner than when we met

Sooner than when we met

Cruder.

you absolutely have been right
always
i would have told you sooner but a katana slashes my words
all you hear is
du duh, duh, duh duh duh d-d-d-d
broken nothing
and in between the cracks
peek squeezed globs of sincere
you know of my many fears
and the strings tied tightly to my lips
pulled by levers that crack and tear
maybe i did

i find so much brightness in your eyes
but remain stoic with the sadness falling just as near
you know whats scurrying about
between lobes
above matter
around bends of the soul and mind
that play inside
unspoiled by the breath
into this cruel, untouchable world

we have our bodies for now
let's not hold back
release yourself and clench my spine like you do
unearth that exacerbated yelp that gives me
such an oh so
my god, so beautiful-
-these lips are zipped, for now.
let your hands do the talking,
let them dance
of this time we've known our souls so
much longer than we see
its forever
dance freely
when time doesnt exist
theres much of us to hold dearly

submitted in writing... (finally)

submitted in writing...
i suppose she's looking for reasons
much like i ask needless questions
but to me
all that is concealed in a statement
is revealed in a glance
or motion of the hand,
perhaps in an exchange of unheard things
why i exude a nervous chuckle
the chuckle kneels to a radiant face
warm soul, perpetual and perrenial boundaries
infinity, almost defined and within reach
as her chest erupts a non-descript series of gentle hums
my eyes acting as hands in the field of anonymous flowers
each of her lashes
slowly, closer
each of her lashes
close enough to taste, now
her lashes
each a petal for plucking
the sun becomes irrelevant
eyes that spill blood but soak warmth
still, questions
and when i do look into her gaze
my skin beckons
wishing to pinpoint any slice to any particular knife
the bleeding continues
nothing so full of life as the red that falls
once blue
she's died before but with blood she will ignite
a birth born from spasms intricately placed
completing something
i love to hug her
and fear that word
and i very much love to kiss
a hummed chuckle can say so much about this
but words can
at times, deconstruct the bliss
i wish to convey a sense with a lense
your eyes, placed rigidly at the scope
to observe curiously the words rounding each bend
eventually crumbling with infinity, closer to the end
may you with some glow poking through the clouds
wishing for you to say
with him, perhaps, i do like going to bed
some things are better left unsaid.

blushing as a male

What’s goin on in your life?

I don’t know jake. You tell me

Well, what are you thinking about right now?

I know im thinking about the scenery

holding hands with childhood dreams

logs stacked up, and colorful things

a lush forest by the home grown up, by

somehow outlying the principle green

what was once a row of houses

becomes extraordinary deep abysses and tangent colors

wild, circular rings

how could my mind, at such an age

imagine such things?

dear lord am I vying for an intrinsic set of irises and fixations, tings

well beyond control, pings and pongs

controlling the cringles and crackles

a sheet of paper emanates, the scent of sound for miles

to green and greener places ever longer

a place with no end

and years are blocks

stacked, chopped slapped and repeated

where did they go?

Down the hole my parents built

No figuratively, positively, otherworldly

Just a back yard and a hole

And there went my plastic toys too

And there I met you

Believe it or not, the number of times I’ve died has reached a few

Eyes closed, open or eyes breaking glass to get in passed curfew

I never deny a sight when a scope lies naked before my eyes

I just lay there, wishing that peripherals command your inner spy

Shivers sent up my spine when I know you want to

Turns me on, that’s for sure

Just tickle my spine and I’ll grab your waist

Curiously

Myself, wondering why despite the transmission

There seems a lovely hint of black and white

Between you and I,

Between you and i.

I like your eyes

I like your skin

And even better, you can’t smell

So that scent beyond you I can so eloquently fill in

My back is waiting for your hands to begin.

the origin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TvH6twZClM

so you spilt every last penny into the car, and it still won't take you where you need to go

Perhaps I may have overlooked it

I tend to drift over the point

So prod my face and body

Till I’m rested enough to take in you

You put in all this effort

But I don’t reciprocate

The pretty sun falls behind your eyes

As the horizon blows me off

I got a problem blaming others

Without wiping off my own ass

I Believe I see your struggle’s obvious

But the steps keep raising up

I know icicles seem to resemble

The dripping from your tounge

And the tricycles just remind me

Of a time when I had fun

I ignore

I ignore

Intentionally, accidentally

I’m tryin to try

I’m tryin to try

There goes the montage

It runs circles through my head

There go the memories

I’ve never met you but somehow

Somehow

A slap in the face

A slap in the wrist

A slap in side some demerging

Dreamscape relates back to you

Ill never wake up

I ignore

I ignore

Intentionally, accidentally

I’m tryin to try

I’m tryin to try

First page

all i can see now is this mirror. in this mirror i, of course, am sitting outside the window of jake's prius as he whirls around the vermont woods on a dirty, dirty road. autumn fog lifts by milieu replaces the silence and there is a smile on my face. slow motion, indeed, but not motionless. I've just had a wonderful night, a wonderful night filled with beers and friends and backwoods and cheesy dogs and all of the joys that a single tongue can pronounce as succulent. that smile wasn't born from genetic manipulation or wedlock but a very genuine, sincere excitement for life's lovely little wonders. not to mention the sex, my lord that girl is a damsel and a devil in one and i wouldn't have it any other way. but that isn't why i'm smiling. i'm not the only one hanging out of that car, letting the wind glide between each hair like bullets and neo and the matrix and all that malarkey. my friends mirror me as well, and they love this. they love this weather, they love the no cares and they love gliding down this road because there ain't a god damned cop in sight. there's no care in the world and fuck man, heh, im sitting here laughing out loud to myself from that raw "HELL YEAH!" that resounded from all of us. that was one of many days my flesh was yanked from my bones and i knew i was alive.

it all started, shit, when did it all start? i mean most would say conception but i cant speak on behalf of my counterpart. by that i mean elliot, and without him i wouldn't be where i am today. i remember vividly meeting him in video journalism club. there was a fake plush, stuffed snake tied around his neck. he had round harry potter sunglasses and for some reason his pores emitted a smell like something pretentious. intimidation, perhaps. i think so. i got the air of intimidation emitting from him and vinny barone snickering together. like most instances in my life when i realize i don't have what i want, jealousy consumed me. that jealousy is there to bite me more now than memories themselves.

to be continued...

My girl molly

What do we have to live for but tight ropes?
A long, clandestine intricately boundless system
Of pulleys, levers, chains, automation and oil lubes
I seem to hold several flower pedals
Just as they disintegrate or perhaps misshape
Within moments they become sand grains
Pains in the neck and a leg movement that urges strain
And all I can explain to anyone is
Some sort of sugar-y coating that eases the pain
Injects a piece of mind and flaps its wings
Like a grandiose crane
And even though I wake or attempt sleep insane
It seems to be worth the spare change
More than a tax is paid for living in some claustrophobic
Lead-filled urban range
People are strange and my needs are contagious
A disease I spread to myself absent of courageous efforts
But this persists
A simple lift that exclaims “this is it!”
One of few moments where a human being
Manifests itself it me
And I can truly rip off the gooey, fish eye lenses
And see things for just being
Without letting this liquid escape by just peeing
My bladder takes second place
To the new face of powdered grace
And simply realizing I only need happiness at a steady pace
After urging this instant matrix of hooray
And space, infinite
I need my space.

Dut duh, dut duh, dut da-da-da duh

Few long lasting passions
But a few that do
Pinpoint the few
For me and If I
don’t have a clue
Inform me too
Because we won’t connect
On any note but blue
Unless the suppression comes to the surface
I need to unearth this
Please regurgitate
The hate that has served us
So well to deserve the purge that unfolds
For a must to become dusk comprises
the silk that surprises elders
In their pink laminated caress
entwined within a fishnet mess
Confess please
For me
It’s the least I can be
To release upon a surge
Of just you and me
I wouldn’t clearly see
Unless that puzzle, like a neck, chest and torso fit quite right to a T
Oh you
Oh me
Such a unity
That pleases beyond the eye can clearly see
Of a passer by and a baby born to be
The one that carries a seed to a plant that forms a tree
Each branch that spans a length no geometry can feasibly place a degree
I want to see
And I want within me nothing more than nature, you, a bird and a bee

Sweaty Palms (Psalms)

Sweaty palms

Slide against the car
Like a brush on canvass
Sweaty palms
Hold her face
As her hair goes windswept
My lord, reap this needless malevolent grace
A black cloud of desire
Keeping sullen pits of dripping, seeping limits
These inexplicable rims lining tins
Of tobacco shards and addictive grins
And the faces far inside
My lord, the curves of her body
As I round each bend
Stricken with mirages of oncoming traffic
This chest of mine
A huffing, puffing brown bag
Sucked by that calligraphic, whimsical woman
That croons with her siren swaying
A formidable lust
A tantalizing bust with cherries held high
For my lips to cup the tongue that extends in one single try
To caress, events that remain wet
A final fret embodies the well-behaved pet
A sit, stay, roll over kind of lay-down sort of,
Open up to me, that’s all I ask
Let’s not remain framed and contained
By a society hell bent on games
And the plain “same”
We’ll forget this
We can stay inside for the sunshine
And have a picnic in the rain.